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Students and ORSL staff can work together to plan memorial services that reflect the life and community of a loved one who has passed. A service may be held in Memorial Church or in another location that is most appropriate. 

In a time of mourning, we can find comfort in and through one another. Memorial services can bring a community together to share their grief, remember their friend, and celebrate the life lived. Services usually are about hour in length and may include a series of reflections, readings, and musical selections. 

Students seeking to organize a memorial can contact ORSL via this form or by emailing religious-life@stanford.edu. A member of our staff will respond to your request and set up a time to meet with you and begin planning the service.

Checklist for Planning a Memorial Service:

  • Contact the Office for Religious and Spiritual Life 
  • Determine location: 
    • Memorial Church is available for all student memorial services and can accommodate a large gathering. Sometimes students prefer to hold memorial services in spaces that resonate more with the grieving community. 
    • As you contemplate a location, you will want to be mindful of the number of people who might attend so you can ensure it can accommodate people of all abilities. Locations should have ample seating, accessible pathways, and capacity for amplified sound. You may consider privacy and public access as well in choosing a location. 
    • ORSL will work with you to secure a location based on your preference and the availability of campus spaces.
  • Choose Date and Time: 
    • Memorial services for students generally occur soon after an off-campus family funeral to allow the family time to grieve. Because grieving is hard, most memorials take place in the early to late afternoon to provide time and space for those gathered to be with one another after the service. 
    • Services can be emotionally difficult, so memorials are generally planned for an hour in length with a reception following. This allows time and space for people to be together, to share remembrances, and find comfort and support in one another.
  • Develop a Service Program: 
    • ORSL will work with you to create a loving and meaningful service of remembrance that allows space for grieving and for honoring and celebrating the life of your friend. Most memorial services include a series of readings, reflections, and music that reflect and celebrate the life of the loved one. 
    • The readings and music provide contemplative space and a pause from the immediacy of grief often expressed in reflections from friends and loved ones. 
    • Here is a sample service:
      • Gathering Music
      • Welcome
      • Reading
      • Reflections from friends and colleagues
      • Reading or Musical Reflection
      • Reflections from friends and colleagues
      • Reading or Musical Reflection 
      • Reflections from friends and colleagues
      • Closing
      • Musical Postlude
  • Reflections from Friends and Colleagues: 
    • Memorial services often include reflections from friends and colleagues. Most memorials include speakers who can represent the various communities the loved one was a part of. 
    • Sometimes a close friend can speak on behalf of a friend group, a member of a student organization or athletic team, or a professor or mentor who knew them well. 
    • Memorials generally include 3 to 5 speakers. Each reflection is 3 to 5 minutes in length to allow others time to speak. 
  • Things To Consider: When planning the memorial with ORSL staff, you may want to think about the following, and we can help with you with the details:
    • Family Participation: ORSL staff will work with you to ensure that family wishes are honored and to help communicate plans between students and family. Sometimes family members may wish to participate, or they may simply wish to attend, or they don’t want to be involved.
    • Video Reflections: Sometimes communities will compile a video tribute of their friend that includes a musical montage of photos. 
    • Creating Ritual Space: Memorials often include a small visual center near where speakers speak. This might be a large photo of the deceased, a candle, flowers, or other symbols that represent the life of your loved one.
    • Recording the Service: Sometimes students wish to record the memorial to share with those who could not be present.
    • Reception: Many students wish to hold a reception following the service to gather informally, share stories, and connect with one another. Receptions generally include light refreshments such as cookies and lemonade or coffee.